put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
