i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
