He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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