yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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