can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
