# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Michael Bay diarrhea
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
