Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
