If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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