Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
The adults are the big ones right?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
