I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
