I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
