So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
