Tell her she can't have a vagina
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Damn victory sex feels great
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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