I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
