You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
