i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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