Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
