All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
