I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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