So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
