I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
