I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
