this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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