so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
