Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
