Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
