Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
