Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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