Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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