I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
