My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
