Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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