i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
