sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
