Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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