So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
