Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
