shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
