so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He is an equal opportunity slut.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
