I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
