So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
