So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
