grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
