Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize