38 yer olds are good kisserssss
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
