fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
