So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
