He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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