There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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