the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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