This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
