You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
