And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
